Fwd: FW: OT M$ meets StarTrek (long)

[Steve Tickle <nospam [at] quarndon.co.uk>]

Please forgive me for this but it's Friday afternoon and I'm sure this will 
raise a laugh


> >
> >> "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript
> >> [Picard] "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
> >> attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data,
> >> have you been able to access their command pathways?"
> >>
> >> [Geordi]"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by
> >> searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century
> >> computing technology."
> >>
> >> [Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer
> >> screen.]
> >>
> >> [Riker looks puzzled.] "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
> >>
> >> [Data turns to answer.] "Allow me to explain. We will send
> >> this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the
> >> Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit,
> >> it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable
> >> rate."
> >>
> >> [Picard] "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't
> >> they alter their processing systems to increase their
> >> storage capacity?"
> >>
> >> [Data] "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it
> >> creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The
> >> use of resources increases exponentially with each
> >> iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt
> >> quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability
> >> will be taken over and none will be available for their
> >> normal operational functions."
> >>
> >> [Picard] "Excellent work. This is even better than that
> >> 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
> >>
> >>  . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
> >>
> >> [Data] "Captain, We have successfully installed the
> >> 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it
> >> immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have
> >> not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."
> >>
> >> [Geordi] "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg
> >> storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have
> >> no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their
> >> increase."
> >>
> >> [Picard] "Data, scan the history banks again and determine
> >> if there is something we have missed."
> >>
> >> [Data] "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in
> >> the upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that
> >> part of the plan by not sending in their registration
> >> cards.
> >>
> >> [Riker] "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission
> >> to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
> >>
> >> [Geordi, excited] "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU
> >> capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
> >>
> >> [Picard] "Data, what does your scanners show?"
> >>
> >> [Data] "Apparently the Borg have found the internal
> >> 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all
> >> the CPU capacity."
> >>
> >> [Picard] "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can
> >> reduce their functionality."
> >>
> >>  . . Two Hours Pass . . .
> >>
> >> [Riker] "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"
> >>
> >> [Geordi] "As expected the Borg are attempting to
> >> re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage
> >> demands, but each time they successfully increase resources
> >> I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to
> >> transmit more 'windows' modules from something called
> >> the  'Microsoft fun-pack'.
> >>
> >> [Picard] "How much time will that buy us ?"
> >>
> >> [Data] "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate
> >> an interest time span of 6 more hours."
> >>
> >> [Geordi] "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
> >>
> >> [Picard] "Identify."
> >>
> >> [Data] "It appears to have markings very similar to the
> >> 'Microsoft' logo"
> >>
> >> [Over the speakers] "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE
> >> MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION
> >> OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL
> >> ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"
> >>
> >> [Data] "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches
> >> and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
> >>
> >> [Picard] "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"
> >>
> >> [Riker] "Good God captain! Those are humans floating
> >> straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits!
> >> How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!"
> >>
> >> [Data] "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you
> >> will look closer I believe you will see that they are
> >> carrying something recognised by twenty-first century man
> >> as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"
> >>
> >> [Riker and Picard together horrified] "Lawyers !!"
> >>
> >> [Geordi] "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and
> >> sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great
> >> Awakening."
> >>
> >> [Data] "True, but apparently some must have survived."
> >>
> >> [Riker] "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are
> >> covering it with all types of papers."
> >>
> >> [Data] "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as
> >> 'red tape' it often proves fatal."
> >>
> >> [Riker] "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"
> >>
> >> [Picard] "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch,
> >> not even the Borg deserve that."
> >>
> >
> >
> >
>
>


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